<cont>  Or protect myself? It seems I’m in a tight spot because now I’m not being attacked as continuously and blatantly as before. Now it’s just spirits who come to me saying they heard about me and then they start fucking with me. Then I’m trying to defend myself (sometimes it works better than expected and others not so much). For that reason I tend to fight even those who wish to help me. I feel like I have rushed myself into a corner. Any advice… </cont>
Here we’re going to have a problem. Because there is what the Weaver Keri would do, and then there are steps that won’t involve so much violence. I’ll try to answer responsibly. You’ve been pushed and pushed and pushed until your kneejerk response is to swing at anything that comes near you, whether cattleprod or butterfly. Slow down. Calm that instinct to suckerpunch or at least hold it once it cocks back for a strike. Your first concern is to make sure what you are justified to strike at the target in the first place. Yes, this pause will mean you will be more open for the first blow if your opponent is up to no good. But driving away, or worse, making an enemy of those that wish to help is doing you no good, as you have already noticed.
Have you considered cutting away all of them, and grounding yourself for a while? If you are being yanked over yonder unknowingly (and undesirably), use something in your room to “tie” yourself to at night (or when you sleep) to keep you at least in the local area and not go a-wandering. If your living situation is one that prevents you from leaving obviously woo items in plain sight, take a shoelace (preferably one that has been well used holding your feet in your shoes), and when you go to bed, tie that shoelace to the headboard or some part of the bed frame, while making the declaration that you are tying yourself to that room. In the morning (or when you wake up), untie the shoelace while declaring you are releasing yourself from this bind, and go on with your day. I’ll leave the finer details like wording, vocalizations (if any), gestures, and flair up to you.
The point of that exercise being that you need to reestablish your footing, and if it means having boring sleep with mundane dreams for a few weeks, then so be it.
While you’re laughing at the “giving a lecture in your underwear” dream, get reacquainted with establishing your shields, boundaries, and alarms. Layer your defenses and layer them at odds with each other, so what is an advantage to get through one layer becomes self-destructive when attempting the following layer. Fortify your bedroom and/or working room with alarms and defenses at the corners, and at all openings including mirrors. During this time, minimize your exposure to Over Yonder. Lay off the divinations, or if you must, go through a third party. If you are sworn to performing any offerings or workings for or on behalf of others, then do those, and nothing more. This is your time to fortify yourself and build yourself up so perform those workings that are geared towards protection, endurance, clarity, invisibility, and all those attributes you want to build up in yourself. (Why invisibility? Because if you have “a name” that other entities want to test for themselves, making yourself a harder target to find tends to make those searching for you give up and find something easier to pick on.)
If anything comes to visit during this time, challenge them. Friend or foe? Prove it. Listen to those that prove themselves as friendly. Kick the shit out of those that attack you first. Smack talk is shit talk. Banish the shit-talkers with no remorse. Try to get out of the habit of launching the first blow.
After your lockdown period is over (and really, you’re the best arbiter of when that is), take on a new ‘name’ and establish it as neutral. Think of it as leaving middle school and starting high school. What nickname you were known by in middle school doesn’t always have to carry over to high school. You’ve transferred into a different district. Make a new name. Make it yours. Don’t answer to the old name unless you have no other choice. (And you have more choice in that than you think.)
Know spirits and/or entities that remained friendly to you? Introduce yourself to them. “I was once $OldName but now I am $NewName and I am starting over. Call me by $NewName”, please.” You are not running away. You are not running away. You are reestablishing yourself. Take advantage of your relative obscurity by working with those friendly spirits to reinforce your boundaries, layers, and yourself. It takes help to get out of the habit of striking out at everything. (I know this from personal experience. It is hard. It is doable.) Accept that help now, and over time you won’t need it as much.
If your old Former God That Isn’t comes a-knocking around, remind it that because it deceived you, any claim is null and void. If it persists in trying to enforce the illegitimate claim, then
take out the trash demonstrate you are not its pawn anymore.
This is not a quick fix. It will likely take at least several months before you stop feeling under attack all the time because of the reputation your current ‘name’ has. I personally don’t see a way to go back to the way things were before the Deceitful Spirit made a toy of you. But you can leave this period in your life stronger, wiser, and more capable for yourself as well as any others you wish to help.
Thank you. I was the anon who asked this question. I hadn’t thought about tying myself to my room. Since one of the big problems is that I tend to travel unknowingly.
I know just as much as I invested getting into this situation I will have to invest getting out of it. I’m just trying to keep tabs on my emotional scars as they happen. Those toxic relationships are hard to rip out but I know I need to.
So thank you. My silver lining is that the these troubles make me appreciate my mundane life so much more. I don’t regret anything, I might just be a bit bitter. Okay a lot but I’m working on it.
I had originally wanted to say to tie the shoelace around your wrist or ankle if you can sleep with it. The closer the “tie down” is to your body, the less you’ll be wandering. But not everyone can sleep with strange objects attached to them, so the bed frame works because the bed “holds” you as you sleep, anyway. (A lot of my
by the seat of my pants workings tend towards the sympathetic and allegorical.)
Bitterness is to be expected. The hard part is not letting that bitterness flavor everything else about you. This is a struggle you are enduring, but this is not you.
May your new name bring you honor, grace, and good relationships.